To be expected

I was slightly short fused today, this is to be expected I guess but it frustrated me- I want to be unshakeable, I want to be resilient but for some reason I just couldnt snap out of it. Some people whom I normally can get along with just would rub me the wrong way, I was interpreting comments differently than I normally would and I just needed to take some time to myself after two weeks of constant stimulation and group work. After a morning of organizing and sorting the balcony toys, and then sorting through the nursery clothes the girls decided to take the kids for a walk- I stayed back. I took up one of my little guys and we had an amazing hour of solidtude, we played and cuddled and enjoyed the silence. I was not ready to have everyone come back- it wasnt that I was mad at any one of them I just craved some quiet time, so I brought E down and took JR for a walk around the neighbourhood, on our walk we came across a little boy he came up to me and said " give me one dollar please" in english - you can tell they rehearse this phrase and I replied "pas gain" which means I don't have, (I really didnt but I also dont believe in hand outs, I do not want these communities members to assume we are any better than them, if we are constantly handing out and establishing our hiearchy we will never achieve equality, solidarity or partnership)--- he went on to tell me in broken english that his mother was dead and his brother was dead and he was hungry- of course this hit a heart string, and I knew that this was likely a rehearsed scheme but at the same time it bothered me that these children felt as though they needed to play up the suffering in order to mobilize the white people. I walked away saddened and confused- I know I dont have all the answers and perhaps there is 'no right way' to deal with such a situation but nevertheless it didnt help my mood. Not ready to return to the busy balcony I sat outside with JR and watched the boys play soccer on the rocky, uneven hilly road. I felt content, a little babe by my side relaxing and taking in the community atmosphere. I chatted with some of the boys and eventually headed back in.
The UNICEF people pulled in just as I was walking back into the house- Dixie the director left this morning to visit in the USA so I was interested to see who would meet with this group- Hope and I sat in the big nursery and chatted with a couple who were not UN affiliated just visiting and travelling with them. They asked alot of questions- knowing the UNICEF agenda (totally against international adoption) I knew he was just waiting to spin my words, so I talked very politically and pointedly in the direction I believe in. Who knows if I convinced him but he thanked us and was on his way.
Nothing else to report for the day, I think I might just do some reading and head to bed. NIkki and Branden the new couple who are running the Guest House are hosting a breakfast for all the volunteers tomorrow morning, this will be awesome- we had them last time I was here with the Reimers every Friday morning and it just a nice time to sit and reflect with everyone.
I hope everyone is having an amazing week, thinking about you all everyday! I continue to recieve such an outpouring of love and support via email/fb and it is all muchly appreciated and often gets me through those lulls.
More tomorrow...