Struggling

Today I am struggling with homesickness- it is not the comforts of home I miss, it is not even the normalcy of N. American life… it is my relationships, my friends, my family our daily conversations and my independence. I do find comfort in the children with whom I work, I find happiness in the progress I am making with them and I enjoy my surroundings but I struggle being alone. Many of the volunteers are wonderful as are many of the permanent staff but I struggle with the lack of consistency, I don’t have a sounding board- no matter how trivial my thoughts may be, and no matter how many people I am surrounded by I feel alone. And then on the flip side I frustrate myself because WHY am I dwelling on these feelings… when I am at home I count down the days until my return—

why this time do I feel so torn?

I know there is no easy explanation- it could be a combination of things. It could be the point in time considering a new and exciting transition is awaiting me at home, it could be that I have simply exhausted my possibilities here and I am drained or it could be that I am just in a mood – either way I am struggling with this today. I know tomorrow will bring cute baby smiles and snuggle and I will be A-OK but today I needed to vent.

Today I am thankful for the amazing support networks I have at home, my parents, my brothers, my grandma and my friends. I know I make them anxious when I express anything other than bliss because they feel as though there is nothing they can do, but know that I find comfort in your support.

More tomorrow… hopefully on a brighter note.