“Book a ticket and just leave”

 

And that I did!

Now I am sitting in the airport in Goa bracing myself for the pile of work waiting for me in Udaipur. Silver lining? I am home to Canada in less than 2 weeks.

It has been a great little vacation- not what I expected- travelling solo to a deserted coastal town in India (didn’t think that one out fully!)- but worth it.

I spent the mornings walking  up and down the beach- such a stark contrast to the beeping horns, diesel filled air back in Udaipur. Mind you EVERYTHING has been a stark contrast to Udaipur- travelling just a couple hours south results in a completely different lifestyle, religion, language and cuisine.

The food was great, it rained for a total of 15 minutes (thank you MONSOON goddess for that little treat!) and I found some great company in the last couple days that made celebrating my birthday (without family and friends) much more enjoyable.

Just a couple “snaps” (I am just SO Indian in my vocab these days!)…

The hidden pathway from my guest house to the beach & Candolim Beach.

I had a beautiful birthday exploring a hidden waterfall and checking out the Holy City- Old Goa with some beautiful old Catholic churches and ruins.

 

The getaway was a SUCCESS.

Next stop…. Toronto in 13 days.

Getting my priorities straight

Its not even 4 am and I am writing from a propped up position in bed. I’ve been awake for over an hour.

I would chalk it up to sleep less ‘recovery’ – as I am on the mend from a 4 day India- inspired flu ( I will spare you the details but I promise you it was not lovely) but I don’t think that is quite“it”.

I’m restless.

I remember during my (at times) obscenely selfish teenage years my parents scolding me by saying the (albeit classic) “You need to get your priorities straight.” well this ‘morning’  that very statement is ringing in my ears!

Having had a couple calls with home this week I can’t help but feel that tonight I am not where I need to be. Family is something I have always claimed is important to me- but lately I think I have a ‘funny’ way of showing it.

Sure there is something to be said for chasing a dream and doing what I love but as I get older I realize there are sacrifices you need to make as a member of a family. As my step dad continues to battle cancer- my mom, brothers and extended family work everyday towards maintaining normalcy and HOPE. Sure I make the weekly phone call and send the occasional card chalked full of love..but I can’t help but feel I am not pulling my weight. Family is important to me… but is it at the top of my priority list?

My  brothers are getting older and older every day (I know this is obvious) but with this growth comes new developments, new personality traits, new likes and dislikes…. all of to which I am oblivious (aside from the updates I receive every now and then when I remember to ask). When they look back on these years are they going to recall that ‘they were my world (as I so often claim)?’

And it isn’t just my title as daughter, sister and even granddaughter I am starting to question. My title as “best friend” or even “friend” seems loosely held onto these days. I have a number of friendships I have had for years- many of which have this unspoken agreement that no matter how long we go without talking or seeing each other we would still consider each other ‘besties’… but I WANT to define a friendship by support offered, laughter shared, experiences  forged… all of which require SEEING each other.

And to avoid sounding melodramatic, over critical and unrealistic I will add the disclaimer that this is all very idealistic… sometimes life demands absences, sometimes one needs to look out for their personal goals. But as I enter a stage of (what I have dubbed) ‘life research’… looking at what is next for me…. I look forward to demanding a more self critical role and re analyzing my ‘priorities’.

With two months before I am due home ( or 55 days!!!) I am committed to some serious reanalyzing… how can I be a better daughter? sister? grand daughter?  FAMILY member? friend? pseudo Auntie (to my best friends GORGEOUS babes)?

Stay tuned as I contemplate the tangibles!!

A little day trip

After weeks of the same old landscape it was time for a change up. Sunday afternoon a co worker and I took off for a little adventure… to check Asia’s largest man made lake—2nd in the world.

The drive was awesome, a different landscape- hills, greenery without the honking of horns, swerving to avoid cows, or the usual craziness of the one lane roads . At one point I was momentarily picked up and transported home- it looked as if i was driving a back road in Ontario- Ohhh was a treat!

Jasiamand Lake was beautiful, large and expansive- it was as overcast, cool day (which is regarded as a beautiful day here when the norm is sunny and scorching).  I was the only foreigner around- the shore was crowded with local visitors with the very same idea for a Sunday afternoon adventure.

It wasn’t until I realized my co workers intention that my stomach formed knots- his idea of ‘taking in the lake’ was boarding a ferry to the island resort. Me? Take a rickety boat? on a lake? ARE YOU KIDDING?

I didn't have the luxury of being TOTALLY candid- after all my irrational fear of open bodies of water should not be shared with all the world’s people- instead I voiced my distrust but ultimately worked up the courage to disembark.

Satyameet signing our lives away… 

Don’t let the smile fool you- I was SO anxious!

My carefree escort!

 

I insisted on sitting at the back of the boat to equal out the weight distribution…but this only brought me closer to the water- SILLY GIRL!

Why there were food rations on a boat that was not to travel for longer than 10 minutes… beats me?!

I made it! It wouldn’t say it was the most relaxing Sunday afternoon but nevertheless I was thankful for the opportunity to get out and have a little experience of my own- after caring for the experience of hundreds of young people the last couple weeks!

Hopefully I get to see more of this beautiful country with some down time due in September! Stay tuned….

Absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Cheesy maybe but SO true. I had no idea how much I would miss those close to me when I couldn’t make a visit happen on a whim.

It sure is hard to be away from my little bros- their world changes to often and I sure hope they remember their big sister -who is across the ocean- is thinking of them everyday.

And then there is the parents… I’ve got 4 of them…they all support me, challenge me and encourage me in so many ways. The time away has made me SO thankful for these 4 fine individuals!

My fam, my friends, my pups, my little ‘niece’ and ‘nephew’s, my coworkers- a note to all of you…. SEPTEMBER can’t come soon enough!

Aside from missing y’all I have been so incredibly busy. We currently have 4 groups of youth here in Udaipur, we have seen 3 groups leave already and we have 2 groups that have yet to arrive.

It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks- so incredibly challenging and overwhelming. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t question my own sanity for choosing to take this all on… but nevertheless I continue to push on. I find those moments- however fleeting- to remind myself of the bigger picture and the ripple affect of my long hours, little sleep and intense stress!

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Because my personal life is pretty non existent these days I have turned to exercise as an outlet and a minimum of an hour a day just for me. Yes I sometimes have to check a text message or answer a call mid squat but HEY- I am trying here!

And it all seems a little bit more manageable when I have some friendly faces floating in and out of my day…. last week a good friend arrived in country and  I have never been SO grateful for a squeeze!

I will be home in T- 77 days! See you soon? and in the meantime stay tuned!

Don’t sweat the small stuff… or DO!

I have been challenged, tried, tested, pushed… and so lately I have found comfort in small ‘wins’- relishing in the small stuff.

The phone calls with good friends at home- having honest encouraging chats and maintaining that connection to the incredible support network that awaits me at home. Also the lovely surprise photos sent with love  “your boys miss you!”

The 5 minute skype call with the little bros, the seemingly meaningless conversation that keeps me smiling through to the next day. “Brittnei doesn’t live in India she lives in Toroooooonto!!!”- Dawson (4) to Dennis (8)

The long awaited arrival of a friend here in Udaipur… the LONG hug and midnight chats. The subsequent belly laughs in the days afterwards… feels SO good to genuinely LAUGH and about the silliest things.

The pro bono fix of the tights malfunction- that hole seemed like the end of the world that day. (Check out that ‘henna-d’ beard!)

Finding oregano and basil in the grocery store after MONTHS of searching for me… and the subsequent eggplant lasagna that I made in celebration.

The debut of the Disney video filmed in May and the relief of not looking as sweaty and gross as I felt when it was shot! Check it out

Taking a tally of these small wins makes those challenges much more manageable. I really am one lucky lady- having a fantastic family, phenomenal friends and opportunities for growth coming from every direction- what more can I ask for #realitycheck

(no I don’t have twitter- it just seemed fitting!)

 

Stay tuned!

A view worth capturing

I haven’t taken many pictures lately, everything is starting to feel routine. But this view is worth capturing… the view from my roof

Its in my hands… literally!

In many ways I am a realist… ‘need to see it to believe it’ kind of girl.

But this week when I sat down with an astrologist to have my palm read…. I waivered (slightly) in my stronghold on realism.

Astrology is deeply entrenched in the Hindu customs here in India, marriages are arranged, weddings booked (down to the exact time)  based on the alignment of the planets (among many other things). Astrologists are ‘called’ to the profession and it is a lifelong journey to become attuned.

Although intrigued, I actually needed to test out this practice for a potential programming piece for upcoming adult groups visiting India- all in a days work!

This professional palm reader was just that, very professional, well spoken and very informative. He spent quite some time explaining to the practice, his passion and the steps involved. He asked me a number of questions (# of siblings, favourite colour and number etc.) and based on the exact time he created a chart that outlined the planets arrangements in my present life. Now I am simplifying this; but from the end result he was able to tell me that the last month has been a very stressful and challenging  month- heck yes! (among a couple of other things). He told me he would be able to give me MORE information if I could recall my exact birth time (which would help him determine the planet alignment at that time) which of course I couldn't- will need to ask Momma Bear that question.

Then he asked me to turn over my palm of my dominant hand.

He examined my finger length and palm size, the cushy parts of my palm, certain lines and even my nail beds. We had a very interesting conversation- a couple highlights…

1. He told me that I am inclined to give 100% to every relationship, because of this and the time and energy it requires I need to be selective in my friendships to ensure it is reciprocated. (My friends have been MORE than I can ask for since I moved- but noted!)

2. He said I have strong leadership capabilities, a dominance in my profession and ability to manage others- when I reach 28+ I will have even bigger opportunities to lead. (Bring it on!)

3. He told me when I settle down with my partner it will be a long lasting partnership that is cool and calm. (Even when I asked he couldn't tell me when I would find this partner- but assured me it could happen anytime after August 6th)

4. He told me I will never have to really worry about money or employment- opportunities will always come my way- he predicted I would be working in social work/welfare. (Phew!)

5. He told me my palm indicate good health well into my 80’s 

6. He told me I need to slow down on decision making, don’t rush the process and look at all sides of a scenario.  (Noted!)

7. He told me my emotions/ reactions were readily available to others- SO true, I can be read like a book (not ALWAYS a fault… right?).

8. He asked me if I believe in ghosts- because he felt as though I have some special spirits around me who are available to guide me. (Grumpa & Gramma I sure hope it is you!)

I have deemed this overall a worthwhile exercise…although I remain slighty sceptical I am intrigued!

All in a days work!